Iapos;m back to my old self yet again. Tonight I feel the sting of the loneliness I have to endure. Itapos;s Friday night. Everyone is out with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Every friend of mine has no time anymore. Iapos;m the only single one left.� "Lots of guys want you" is what everyone tells me. I respond with "They donapos;t want to be with me, they just want to do me."��itapos;s just that. There comes a time when the senseless hooking up one night stands becomes old meaningless...itapos;s always meaningless. Iapos;m glad Iapos;m smart enough to NOT get caught up in that.� I donapos;t give my heart so easily, but I have been trying not to lately. Iapos;m finding it harder harder not to fall Iapos;m really starting to like this new one more more. I think this might be why Iapos;ve been struggling lately. Having to hold back just hurts. Iapos;m tired of going to bed lonely every night. I still wake up at the times my ex would call me in the middle of the night. My body is still used to waking up on itapos;s own. When you do it for so long, I guess itapos;s hard to get out of routine. Except thereapos;s no ring of the phone. Thereapos;s no voice. Thereapos;s nothing. Thereapos;s silence. Iapos;m alone. Itapos;s still hard to get used to. Iapos;m so depressed tonight,��I canapos;t quite figure out why. It started last night. Something snapped inside me. Iapos;m the girl everyone wants to be with if they need a rebound. Iapos;m the girl everyone wants to hook up with while theyapos;re still with somebody else. Both of those arenapos;t good. Iapos;m the girl everyone wants to do when theyapos;re just looking for a hookup. Very unfilling. Iapos;m not a whore. I have dignity. I definitely do not sleep around.�All of this I know already. Iapos;m waiting, but not sure for what. Iapos;m always surrounded by people, but still that lonely feeling burns like fire. I always thought people who wrote blogs like this were boring, unattractive, pathetic. Iapos;m none of those things for sure. Maybe pathetic, but whatever. Most people donapos;t take me seriously� expect me to be that slutty blonde. Maybe thatapos;s why Iapos;m so appealing to the guys that are already taken. I feel pathetic writing this Iapos;ve felt like shit all day. Work sucked, the drive to�McHenry sucked. Iapos;m just having a horrible day. Iapos;m hoping tomorrow will be better. So itapos;s 9:30 on a Friday night,��Iapos;m about to go to bed. Itapos;d be nice to have some good girlfriends to go out with. Ones that arenapos;t entirely completely consumed by their other relationships. I remember what that was like. I would never do it again. I know better now.
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